limbo

the week between christmas and the new year always feels like, to me, a week spent living in limbo. the big hoorah of the holidays has past and in my spirit i feel an anxiousness to get on to what's next. it's not that i always know what's coming next, i am just really good at anticipating. some people might say that i have a problem with delayed gratification. perhaps. but if i could be allowed the luxury of explaining myself, i'd have to make the argument that i love do-overs. i love it when things are new and i love how the universe is concomitant with the do-over, the second chance (or third, or twentieth, or the hundredth...), the reset button. we see it in the cycles of the moon, the seasons, and in the earthly lives of humans. there are deaths and births on this planet everyday. so, i know that it's coming. my clean slate. my chance to do it again and get, some of it at least, right this time. so, with that said, someone might think that i have a resolution list a mile long this year, but i don't. not one single thing. what i do have is a word. one word...commitment. instead of declaring my intentions to lose 20 pounds or keep my car clean (i'm not giving up wine, sorry mom.). i want to commit myself to living a life that is lived well, this year, and every year, for the rest of my life. i want to commit my life to other people: to my kids, my husband, my friends, to people in need. and also to myself. because sometimes the failure to commit hurts us the most. we cheat ourselves and that is most egregious injustice of all; when we waste this precious gift that god has given to us.

instead of a resolution list, i have complied a list of things that i have learned about myself over this past year:

1. found out that i am no longer allergic to cats. who knew? apparently, your allergies change every couple of years. this info comes from my cousin, allyson. allyson has many allergies, she would be familiar with this information. i am so happy about this as i took in two strays early this fall. see lulu kitty: ( stray cat number two left for greener pastures, i hope).

2. being a mom is the single most significant thing that i will accomplish in this lifetime. i would do anything for my daughters. i am grateful that god saw fit to make me their momma.

















3. sometimes, when we pray, god has a totally different idea as to what the answer to said prayer will look like. about a year ago, i prayed for community. there were some major shifts that happened within my personal universe, but it is all for the best. god absolutely knows what s/he is doing.

4. speaking of god. i rediscovered my faith this past year in academic bible classes at a "secular" university of all places. (thank you wayne coppins and beth lorocca-pitts) i learned that jesus was (is) a revolutionary and i believe that the example that jesus lived in his earthly life is the way in which i want to follow. not some denominational version of jesus. the jesus of the words in red. the jesus that spoke of love. the jesus that had compassion for the sick and impoverished. the jesus who called the religious establishment a "brood of vipers." i could go on...

5. i learned that i do have the fortitude to follow through. after working toward a degree for over a decade, i finally graduated from college, with honors. you can do anything you want to do; work hard and pray harder.

i also learned that:
i love running on trails better than pavement. ( thank you, david ray)
i like brownies, a lot. perhaps, too much!
i like sitting in silence. nothing bad comes from an absence of sound.
true friends are more valuable that any amount of money.
stuff is just stuff. we really need so little to be happy.

thanks for reading my blog. i really enjoy writing, another thing i have learned about myself this year.

may god continue to bless us all in 2010.