What Would Jesus Drink: Adventures in Missing the Point

So, I'm a seminarian.  This means that during the school year I spend countless hours reading about, writing about, and discussing theology.  The topics available for discussion are endless, yet one contentious debate continually rises to the surface: what would Jesus drink?  There are, of course, other worthwhile debates about things like the incarnation, dispensationalism, and theodicy, but none of these debates bring about the same fervor and passion as that of pontificating upon what the son of god would drink while winding down at the end of long day.  Now I know there are those of you out there who are thinking, "Hello? Jesus drank wine.  Haven't you read John 2 and that whole wedding at Cana thing?  There are probably even those of you who believe that the wine was not fermented, and to that I say... well, never mind.

Yes. John 2.  I have read it. Several times. But I should have mentioned earlier the specifics included in the "what would Jesus drink" controversy revolve around a certain brand of brew... PBR.  Pabst Blue Ribbon is currently recognized as the hipster drink of choice and is popular among the college crowd, for its $2 price tag in your bar of choice on a Tuesday Saturday night.

Now it's time for me to confess.  I am a beer snob.  Well, I was, until I quit two well-paying jobs and enrolled in grad school as a full time student.

Some say that seminary is a calling, and following a calling usually involves some kind of sacrifice.  One of my sacrifices is that I now drink beer that I would not have touched a year ago, but I digress, sort of...

More important to this whole seminary journey is a dying to self. As this is not a super sexy concept, it's preferable to become distracted. I cannot blame my fellow seminarians for attaching a theological significance to Jesus' beer of choice. While this may seem like a concept of great significance, Paul, the guy who wrote a good portion of the New Testament, seemed more concerned with the whole dying to self thing. Jesus would probably agree.  (I'll let you know after I finish my New Testament survey class that comes in my second year.) So, every day, if I am taking my journey through this chapter of my life seriously, and some days I actually do, I have to make the decision to die to myself and my to ideas regarding god; especially those ideas that are my own creation.

What does this have to do with PBR?

The "what would Jesus drink" argument isn't new. It is an argument that has raged in many forms throughout Christian History.  People have been labeled a heretic over much less than believing that Jesus drank a certain kind of beer, and certainly, many were labeled heretics over much more. So, you see, this brew-ha-ha has just been repackaged for this time and cultural context.  Thus, I think it's less about what Jesus drank and more about how we want to re-create god in our own image and make god more like us. The question we might want to ask ourselves is not "what would Jesus drink?" We might want to ask "Do we want to be more like Jesus or do we want Jesus to be more like us? Are we guilty of assuming that Jesus only loves the people that we want him to love? Does he really judge those that we choose to condemn? Are we really in charge of such things?" Granted these questions will probably not be debated with the same zeal and intensity as whether or not Jesus would drink PBR, but I think they are good place to start if we really want to start being a community that accepts everyone, even those that don't act or think (or drink) like us.

Why I Don't Want to Say the Creeds. What I learned in seminary, Part 2.

So, if you read my last blog, the one where I give a very tongue in cheek account regarding what I learned during my first year in seminary, I need to warn you: You're about to think I'm schizophrenic.  I want to say, first, that while I enjoy incredible community among my colleagues and I have never felt so affirmed regarding my call into ministry, I spent the majority of my first year in seminary really pissed off.  I was prone to bouts of foulness and one never knew when I would just up and start howling at the moon.  And now, about three weeks past clicking send on that email to my professor containing my final paper for the semester, I thought I could just  move past the "angry me", but I'll be damned if she didn't show up again today...of all places on my front porch...while I was reading...theology.

I should explain. One of the sources for my anger during this past year was a class called History of Christian Thought, better known to Candler students as HT501 and HT503; don't ask me what happened to 502 because I have no idea.  Anyway, during semester number one we had the laborious task of muddling our way through 1500 years of church history...Two. Times. You would think that once would be enough, but after we had a skeletal framework of the historical timeline, we then went back and read primary documents from the Church fathers with a few female voices like Mechtilde of Magdeburg mixed in so we could hear about how she mystically made love to the Divine and wrote some trippy God porn, but I digress. It was during this time that we studied the church early church councils.  Now, I know that no one really likes church assemblies or synod meetings, and these councils were no different.  The Council of Nicaea that happened way back in 325CE was called not to celebrate Christian unity and charity but to codify the rules surrounding Christianity.  These rules were crafted by the powerful lest any "heretics" go around spreading some "bad" theology.  Decisions had to be made regarding who was in and who was out. Unfortunately, this action of in-ing and out-ing never stopped.  It still happens, it is still ridiculous, and it still sucks. So, to be at a place where I'm supposed to be learning how to be an instrument for unity, a place where we're all like "rah-rah we're all one body", and be confronted with a history of heresy was to say the least, frustrating.

Fast forward back to today and me being pissed off...again.  I have been reading "Take This Bread" by Sara Miles.  Miles converted to Christianity in a unique way.  She is Episcopalian, founded several food pantries in the San Francisco area, and is a proficient swearer.  Thus, I loved her book. Anyway, as Miles was not a cradle Episcopalian, and did not attend a traditional church that followed a formal liturgy, she never said the creeds.  Not the Nicene, not the Apostle's, she did not say them, nor does she.  Reading about the experiences of Sara Miles was liberating.  Someone else out there did not say the creeds because they found them divisive.  During worship over the past six months when it came to the place in the liturgy where the congregation recites the creeds together, I have either not been able to breathe, or I have said them through gritted teeth and tears in my eyes.  People may want to argue for the communal aspect of saying the creeds, but one cannot deny that these statements which some see as beautiful statements about what the church, catholic, believes about our Lord and Savior are codifications. They represent rules that have become fetishized rituals that often serve to separate more than they unite.  So, while I'm not entirely sure how this will play out with an ordination board I do not think I will be able to say the creeds.  There have to be other people for whom going through the motions because of tradition is not an option.  I don't think I'm the only one. There have to be more people like me out there.  I hope there are.

When "Feet' Just Mean Feet

So, I just finished my first year in seminary, and while that feels like a major accomplishment, I realize that 1) I am not even half way through this crazy endeavor; there are two more grueling years ahead of me, and b) I don't know anything. Really.  I mean, I learned lots of stuff.  Good stuff.  Stuff that might help me in bar trivia, or in a Bible verse search competition, but the really hard stuff? Nope. There was no "hard stuff you will be asked by your parishioners" class, and Candler School of Theology is definitely not like Hogwart's.  I did not get a wand and spell book to help me make problems like injustice, poverty, war, or prejudice disappear.

So, when I told my friend Alisha that I wanted to guest blog in her what I learned in seminary series I was excited for...about 5 minutes. Then I was like well, what the hell did I learn in seminary because it sure as hell wasn't how to give easy answers? 

 If I can say one thing for sure it is that faith is full of ambiguity, and because of that ambiguity, because I know for sure that I do not, and never will, have all of the answers, God will have to work through my weaknesses.  A few years back, I remember hearing a commencement address delivered to graduating seminarians at Iliff School of Theology by Nadia Bolz Weber, an ELCA pastor in Denver, and a total bad ass.  In addressing the anticipation by the graduates of being let loose on the Church, and their questions about whether or not they were ready to face all of the challenges that entering ministry was sure to bring, the answer was "of course you're not ready".  Bolz Weber reminded those seminarians of what the seminarians I know, as well as a few, ahem, practicing clergy need to hear: play to your weaknesses. When we play to our strengths we get cocky.  We think we know the answers and this is where things go terribly wrong.  So while this may seem to some a huge waste in tuition money, it's what I got.

Well. Wait.  I did get a few more things out of the year.  They are listed below.  Some of them may make sense.  Some of them I'm still trying to make sense of myself.  For your reading pleasure, I present "Other Seminary Stuff That I Learned":

• Don't think meat.  You'll only hurt the ball club.
• The mere mention of Real Madrid can unite a room full of refugees from all over the world.
• Academics make shit up, and you can, too.
• Being in seminary and starting the ordination process is akin to a ticking, biological clock.  
• Don't be like Elihu (from the book of Job). That guy is a jerk.
• If you don't like the denominations out there, start your own.
• Gluten free wafers are bigger than you think and will stick to the roof of your mouth.
• References to feet, sometimes really just mean feet.
• Christianity cannot be lived in a vacuum, and neither can seminary.  You need community.

Peace.

casting stones: aka rant, repent, repeat, part 2

god is funny. and (today, at least) i don't mean funny, ha-ha. now, there are moments of epiphany that i often experience that cause me to laugh, in a good way. today, however, i am experiencing god's wit in a different manner that can only be described as ironic. (at least, i think ironic is the best word, lest i pull an alanis morrissette and use ironic to describe what are really a series of unfortunate events.) anyway... this morning, i was having a conversation with a friend about a debate she attended last night. this debate was between the three candidates that are vying to become of head of the republican party of georgia. she started telling me about how the night proceeded, and some of the highlights included hearing that god was a republican (i wonder if god knows this?), bashing president obama, and observing one of the candidates take a picture of another candidate's skirt length. (it was above the knee. obviously too short for a political event in jackson county, ga. she must have been from atlanta.) when she told me that she and her husband had to step outside to get some air, i interjected, "i never would have made it." i then proceeded to verbally vomit on my friend about conservatives, words in red, backward people, etc. my vomit turned to dry heaves when she stopped me and said, "well, you might not have liked what they had to say, but at least you would have had the chance to talk to the candidates and share your opinions and beliefs with them. i didn't enjoy all of the night, but if you're gonna talk the talk of change, you have to walk the walk."

we will now pause for dramatic effect

yep, that one still stings! and. she. is. right. and. i. don't. like. it. i'm okay with my friend being right. mind you, she's a very smart person and is a regular contributor to the ongoing conversations in my life. what i don't like is the fact that i realized i was doing exactly what i criticize others of doing. this can range in concepts from creating us v them mentality to enjoying the division our country, and christianity, that we currently face. i'm casting stones, and i am not without sin. sometimes, i really wish i knew what jesus wrote with his finger in the sand that day...

on twitter yesterday, i wrote "rant. repent. repeat." lord, help me to truly consider the middle word and find a way to replace the latter. amen.

the twitter. karmic justice. mohair. honey.

so, i am now on "the twitter", and i am ashamed to admit this, but i have had a hard time getting into the groove. goovin', for me, includes things like setting up my acct/bio, getting my spelling (and most of my grammar) correct because i often tweet, or reply, impetuously and/or past my bedtime, not to mention actually expressing my sentiments is less than 140 characters. i can't do anything in less than 140 characters!

in related news: if you are noticing a disturbance in the cosmic forces that administer justice and you're wondering, "oh, karma; where art thou?" she's been spending some time here in rural, north georgia serving up her famous humble pie. i'll explain. about a year ago, my parents decided that they wanted to get on "the facebook", and they asked me if i would teach them. this not only involved tutorials in social networking, but the mysteries of email, too. being the good daughter that i am, i took on the challenge which included telling my parents how to get onto the internet, setting up various accts, and enduring duplicate emails from my mother as she always sends things twice because she doesn't trust gmail to deliver her msg the first time. (whew) then, there was a period of a few weeks where i was getting more calls than usual from my parents. i would answer the phone thinking, "how lovely, my parents just want to talk, with me, their oldest offspring."
me: hi, dad.
my dad: karen, i'm sitting at this stupid computer and cannot get on "the facebook". are you sure you gave me the right password?"
me: over-exaggerated sigh and dramatic rolling of the eyes...
the karmic twist here involves my asking my husband to help me with my twitter deficiencies. imagine my surprise when i was met with (oh, how should i put it?) an over-exaggerated sigh and dramatic rolling of the eyes. he even suggested that when discussing this new (to me) form of social media, i should refer to it as "the twitter". what can i say? i'm a sucker for sarcasm and that muscle soccer players have that's located right above their knees.
so, delores and bill, aka mom & dad, i'm sorry.

fast-forward to the season of lent, 2011. my family has recently forged the denominational river from the evangelical side to hang out with the mainline protestants. thus, we are embracing, dare i say enjoying, the events that occur on the christian calendar for the first time. this included the epiphany, shrove tuesday, and lent. (as in, giving something up for lent) my youngest is fasting from chocolate. if you know the small child, or have read my earlier post re her um, problem, with abuse of the chocolate-y goodness, you would realize what a big deal this is for her. if you know me, then you would know that my decision to fast from facebook was huge, as well. i have used fb in a number of ways over the past few years. mostly, it has been a vehicle for procrastination, and/or the general suckage of time. so, the plan was to not waste time on fb and replace that time re-reading the gospels, which i have been doing and absolutely loving. btdubs: the gospel of mark still rocks my world!

this blog has a point...
it was during my fast from fb that my husband suggested to me using the twitter account that i set up last summer. i was skeptical. besides my aforementioned deficiencies, you can't "friend" anyone on "the twitter", ie most of the 300+ people i am "friends" with fb aren't on "the twitter". how will i ever know what whitney is making for dinner, tonight? how will i see pictures of andrea's kids, and how can i fb stalk my teen-age daughter? seriously. i want to know and do these things. (whitney is a good cook, i love andrea's kids, and i do fb stalk my teen; don't judge me!) but, fb, at least for me, could be a source of frustration (read: having to do yogic breathing to calm myself upon reading certain posts and comments). true story: i am not a conservative. not only am i not a conservative, i live in an area where everyone else (well, almost...360 people in my county did vote for the democrat in the last gubernatorial election.) is a conservative. therefore, when sacred cows in the area have been tipped over, i am asked by the local authorities if they can check my shoes for manure. i am oft called a socialist, communist, and a sinner. my daughter was recently ambushed, i mean approached, after an recent american government class and asked if she wanted to become a christian. this came as a result of sharing some of her pov's regarding DOMA and why you can't make the bible part of the constitution. i know people who fervently hold to the beliefs that barack obama is a muslim, the anti-christ, or not born in the u.s. (or all of the above) so, the fact that i'm "different", or at the very least geographically misplaced, is glaringly obvious on my fb home page. my fast will end on easter sunday, but i may keep on fasting. besides, i owe god 5 days due to a number of reasons that include germany, beer, and the boston marathon.

the truth is out there...
so, reluctantly, i took the plunge. it wasn't a plunge really, it was more like a dipping of one's toe in a frigid pool. however, i have found the waters to be be rather pleasant. as illustrated by my earlier ramblings, i'm surrounded by people who are anxiously awaiting the opportunity to buy their trump/palin 2012 bumper stickers. not that i mind rubbing up against people who have differing viewpoints from myself; but *insert some trite statement about growth here and be sure to use something by john maxwell*. so, monday i am on the twitter when i realize i am feeling lighter, and i'm smiling. i had gone from a tweet to a blog to another person on twitter to their tweets to the blog of someone else. i had, in my mind left what i affectionately refer to as "hee-haw hell", and found that there are others out there that believe similar things to myself. i am not so narcissistic that i didn't know that such thoughts existed outside my little micro-cosmos (i mean i watch 30 rock and modern family), but sometimes, living in a conservative wilderness can wear on a girl, especially when politics mixes with religion. i wouldn't go so far as to compare myself to john the baptist, but i can rock out some mohair, and i do really like honey. i am simply dumbfounded when i have conversations with fellow christians who hold political views that totally ignore the words in red. not just where i live, but in many places throughout america, being a good christian has become synonymous with being a good american, and being a good american is synonymous with being a christian. this scares me!!! a lot!!!

i realize that this blog has been a bit of a rant, but i truly want to be a person that is about unity, not so much within american politics, but within the kingdom of god. on good days i am prayerful and contemplate how i can be a vehicle for change. on bad days, well, i compare myself to john the baptist. so, back to the "the twitter" thing. i have only scratched the surface, and already i see many people who feel the same way and are intentional about the work that needs to be done. i am hopeful that i will learn from these individuals and be able to contribute to action that comes from open, honest conversation.

spring. break. sin. heresy. (not necessarily in that order...)

spring. break. two more beautiful words have not been spoken in sequential order in, well, at least the past week. i am very ready for some play time with the kids. all three of my girls work very hard. as i am currently not employed with regular employment, and they are in school all day, i am thrilled for the opportunity to be with them! so, i am very excited as this spring break includes trips to my two favorite southern cities: savannah and st. augustine! all of the kids are excited, too. our exchange daughter is excited to re-visit savannah. she loved it on fall break and i promised a return trip. yet, truth be told, i am simply happy to be leaving the hee-haw-hell in which i reside, aka jackson county, for just a few days. btdubbs, last night i heard someone at my jefferson kroger tell the clerk that our nation was in trouble because we had a black president and needed more patriotic people in our country. i told her that our nation was in trouble because we had racist people that didn't know how to love others, and THAT was why our country was in trouble. i maybe could have handled the situation better (**note to reader, i am not telling the whole story of my interaction with this, um, lady (?)), but it is what is, y'all.
anyway, spring break is upon us. i have laundry going, and i have begun the house cleaning...i hate coming home to a dirty house! one of the most important aspects of spring break is the 'spring break reading'. i haven't purchased it yet, but my book of choice is "love wins" by rob bell. i must admit, i have always been a fan of rob bell, but i am incredibly compelled by his latest work. he delves into the question surrounding (yes, i said questions) heaven and hell. i have read the intro and bell, though he has never willingly answered the question, at least not that i am aware, is an emergent. at the very least he has emergent theological leanings. for those of you who are not familiar with the emergent church movement, do yourself a favor, google it. if nothing else, trying to figure this movement out is a good exercise in trying to nail jello to the wall, and my grad school study topic, if i am fortunate enough to work things out to attend school this fall...we'll see. we'll see: two more words that are beautiful when spoken in sequential order. two words that have kept me married for almost 19 years, or at the very least saved us from the shedding of blood during political, ahem, 'discussions'. anyway, i'm very excited to read bell's book. the sbc and other denominational heavies are all in a tizzy about it. i wonder if the sbc has ever considered that if they spent half the time they spend criticizing people for "sin" and "heresy" just loving people, they wouldn't need to to criticize people for, um, "sin" and "heresy". i'm just sayin'!

do you think jesus ever wants to b%#&h-slap someone?

i am truly struggling with writing this blog entry. as the days have passed since the earthquake struck haiti, i, like most of the country have been glued to the television, moved by dramatic images, and praying that the kingdom of god will overlap that little nation in a powerful way. so basically, anything i write, i feel, will be trite. i mean how can i even begin to comment on something so gut-wrenchingly horrible. my home is in tact. i kissed my children, healthy and whole children, before they went to bed last night. i sent them to school today with food in the their bellies, the money to pay for lunch, and as i write this blog, i am making dinner that i will feed them tonight. again, i feel that anything i can contribute in the way of commentary will be trite at best.

earlier today, i decided i would write something because i was mad. i am, of course, appalled by the despicable comments made by pat robertson and rush limbaugh. and on wednesday, i got into a bit of a tiff with a local 'politician' when i heard he had been part of a contingent that would send $25,000 to the republican (brown is his name, i believe) in massachusetts that was running for ted kennedy's old seat. when i 'suggested' that the money would be better served in haiti, he informed me that no one should send money outside of the united states. that there were people right here, in this country, in the same shape as those in haiti. so i asked him two questions: 1. where did the earthquake that registered 7.0 and created mass devastation happen (in the us)? and 2. if the $25K he and his cronies, um, i mean friends, raised would then be sent to those people? it didn't get any prettier from that point forward. i'm not proud of that moment, but i don't regret it either. i guess that's the best you can hope for.

so i guess i am writing this blog because my little altercation with a local politician is not the end of the story. that same morning i had a meeting planned with stephen saxton, staff pastor at my church, regarding a missions trip we hope to take next summer to africa. we will (it is my hope) be taking a team to zambia to build desks for a school. during this meeting stephen and i were discussing the happenings in haiti and wondered how our community could respond. amazingly, approximately 24 hours later, resources and volunteers were mobilized in response to this communal effort. new community will be collecting money and putting together hygiene kits that will go to the people effected (or affected, i can never remember the difference) by the earthquake. we are partnering with a local umc and umcor (united methodist committee of relief) to get the packages into the hands of people in haiti. and all of the details just fell into place in such a cool way.

so that is a reaction to one icky comment. what about robertson and rush? well, personally, i want to b*t*h slap the both of them. but, um, probably not the right thing to do. speaking of trite, the whole 'what would jesus do?' thing is as trite as it gets. and though i would like to think that (my) jesus would have a similar desire, the words in red lead me to believe he would probably love them in spite of it all. so below i am posting a link by donald miller, author of blue like jazz and one of my fava-flaves. i love donald miller and would love to hang out with him. ( i think you're truly a nerd if you daydream about meeting your favorite author(-s). i would also love to hang out with anne lamott, elizabeth gilbert, zora neale hurston, and mark twain. and yes, i know the later two are deceased). so the response to pat robertson by miller is authentic. christlike. and probably, the right way to respond.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/current-events/op-ed-blog/19845-don-miller-responds-to-pat-robertson

so what about rush? below i have posted a link to a recent opening monologue from the craig ferguson show. it's not mean. it does however, contain humor and perspecive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27LDh7BBK_4

bad (tragic, terrible, unbelievable) things happen. people react, inappropriately. but, we all have the choice as to how we will respond.